Short screenplay for the May 2018 "That short script you didn't finish" contest.


There's Something About Ursula

FADE IN:

EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT

High heels click on a winding path between a sea of old 
tombstones.

The heels belong to URSULA, who possesses a beauty that 
might be described as ethereal, not of this world.

HIDING IN THE BUSHES

Just a pair of eyes visible, wide with fear, watching.

AMONG THE TOMBSTONES

Ursula slows as she examines various tombstones.

IN THE BUSHES

A digital camera, held by shaky hands.

AMONG THE TOMBSTONES

Finally Ursula stops at a particular grave.

IN THE BUSHES

The digital camera CLICK-CLICK-CLICKs.

AMONG THE TOMBSTONES

Ursula's head slowly turns, she heard it.

IN THE BUSHES

The photographer, GRANT, a nerdy young man, scrambles out 
of the bushes and runs away as if demons are chasing him.

AMONG THE TOMBSTONES

Ursula sees Grant vanishing into the night.  She doesn't 
react.  She returns her attention to the tombstone.  She 
seems to address the tombstone... or whoever rests here.

                      URSULA
          Tell me everything you know.


INT. TIPSY CAT CAFE - DAY

A warm family place with gingham table cloths and framed 
pictures of falling-over-drunk cats on the walls.

WILLIE, a young man wearing a kitchen apron, is with KITTY, 
the attractive MILF cafe owner.  Willie opens a ring box, 
showing a diamond ring inside.  Kitty OOOOHs.

                      KITTY
          My God, it's beautiful.

                      WILLIE
          You think she'll like it?

                      KITTY
          I think she'll love it.

                      WILLIE
          God, I hope so.  Sorry, just a 
          little nervous.

                      KITTY
          I guess it's not every day you 
          propose to someone.

                      WILLIE
          No, no it is not.

                      KITTY
          Are you sure about this girl, 
          Willie?

                      WILLIE
          Sure I'm sure, why would you, why 
          do you say that?

                      KITTY
          There's just something about her, 
          I don't know.  How long have you 
          known her?  Every time you talk 
          about her, you're a little vague.

                      WILLIE
          Vague, I'm not vague.  God, it 
          feels as if I've known her... 
          forever.

                      KITTY
          You're right, you're not vague at 
          all.  So it's happening tonight?

                      WILLIE
          Yes it is, I've booked a table at 
          the restaurant.

Willie's cell phone plays a dinky tune, Willie smiles an 
apology to Kitty and fumbles to answer it.

                      WILLIE (INTO PHONE)
          Where the hell have you been?


INT. URSULA'S STUDIO - DAY

Chic, well furnished.  Ursula sits at a table facing 
GRANDMOTHER (70s) and SKEPTICAL GRANDSON (30s).

Ursula deals Tarot cards.  Every time she turns a card 
over she pauses and seems to consider what it might mean.

                      GRANDMOTHER
          I hope you don't mind my grandson 
          being here.  He insisted.

                      URSULA
          Not at all.  As long as you're 
          comfortable with it.

                      SKEPTICAL GRANDSON
          I just wanted to make sure Grammy 
          is getting value for her money.  
          Since she seems to be giving you 
          enough of it.

                      URSULA
          Perhaps you'd like me to 
          demonstrate?

                      SKEPTICAL GRANDSON
          I really would love to see that.

Ursula turns more cards over, lining them up.

                      SKEPTICAL GRANDSON
          Are you listening, Grandma?

                      URSULA
          Oh, I'm not reading for your 
          grandmother.  I'm reading for you.

A moment, as this slowly sinks in...

                      URSULA
          Let's skip school and college, and 
          the accountancy exam you cheated 
          in.  You've been married twice.  
          Both marriages ended in divorce 
          because of your infidelity.  Your 
          children aren't really yours.  You 
          should get your sperm count checked.  
          Your career is about to take an 
          unexpected turn.  They're going to 
          discover the funds you stole are 
          missing.  Putting the account in 
          your first wife's name, pretty 
          dumb move.

                      SKEPTICAL GRANDSON
          WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

                      URSULA
          The cards never lie, Andy.  You've 
          been a cheat and a liar and an 
          abusive creep all your life.  Karma 
          has finally caught up with you.

Skeptical Grandson angrily shoves his chair back and stands. 
He glares at Ursula, who meets his gaze calmly.  He storms 
out, slamming the door.  His Grandmother flinches.

                      URSULA
          I'm sorry about that.

                      GRANDMOTHER
          It's me who should be apologizing.

Grandmother smiles and leans forward.

                      GRANDMOTHER
          Are there any new messages for me?


INT. GRANT'S CAR, IN A PARKING LOT - DAY

Grant watches as Willie fiddles with the digital camera, 
thumbing through pictures on the LCD screen.

                      WILLIE
          You hid in the church all night?

                      GRANT
          I sought sanctuary from the dark 
          powers.

                      WILLIE
          You're an atheist.

                      GRANT
          That doesn't mean I can't believe 
          in God when I need him.

                      WILLIE
          You're sure it was her?

                      GRANT
          I waited for two hours, in the 
          bushes, things crawled into my 
          mouth.  She was the only other 
          person there.

                      WILLIE
          I'm not seeing her.

                      GRANT
          That's what I'm telling you, she 
          doesn't take pictures.

                      WILLIE
          What?

                      GRANT
          She is vampyr, a creature of the 
          night.

                      WILLIE
          Now you're just being stupid.

                      GRANT
          Am I?  AM I?  You're the one who 
          asked me to hide in the cemetery 
          at midnight to photograph your 
          girlfriend.  You know there's 
          something weird about her.

Willie wears a troubled, thoughtful look.


INT. TIPSY CAT CAFE - DAY

The doorbell DINGS as ZEUS MEPHISTO enters.  Zeus is dressed 
all in black -- black suit, hat, shirt and tie.  His hooded 
eyes see everything.

Kitty picks up a menu from the counter and smiles a welcome.

                      KITTY
          Just coffee, or are ya eating?

Zeus takes off his hat and returns the smile.  Kitty stares 
at his hair.  He has two weirdo curls that resemble horns.

                      ZEUS
          I would much prefer tea. 

                      KITTY
          Grab a table and I'll be right 
          over.

Zeus sits at a window table.  He casually looks outside.

Just a couple of yards away, Willie returns.

                      KITTY
          Everything okay?

                      WILLIE
          Yes?  No?  I am distressed.

                      KITTY
          Is there anything I can do?

Kitty makes a cup of tea while they talk.

                      WILLIE
          I had her followed.

                      KITTY
          You had Ursula followed?

Zeus's head turns at the mention of the name.

                      WILLIE
          Well, not followed, exactly.  I 
          knew she takes long walks at night.
               (hesitates)
          To the cemetery.

                      KITTY
          You know, sometimes people, when 
          they can't sleep, they go out for 
          a walk.  The cemetery would be 
          quite peaceful, late at night.  
          You could walk around for hours 
          without disturbing anyone.

Kitty giggles at her own joke.

                      KITTY
          Back in a second.

She takes the cup of tea to Zeus's table... but he's GONE.  
Kitty is confused, where'd he go?  She returns to Willie.

                      KITTY
          I mean, as long as she wasn't doing 
          anything funny.

                      WILLIE
          Funny like...?

                      KITTY
          She doesn't take a shovel along, 
          does she?

                      WILLIE
          Haha, of course not.

                      KITTY
          So she's just having a walk.
               (suspiciously)
          Who followed her?

                      WILLIE
          Grant has specialized surveillance 
          equipment.

                      KITTY
          Grant has a camera.  Willie, is 
          this what you really want, spying 
          on the woman you're supposed to 
          love?  Don't you trust her?

                      WILLIE
          You know, you're right.

                      KITTY
          Put this behind you and treat her 
          with respect.

                      WILLIE
          I will, I will.

                      KITTY
          Now go clean out the grease trap.

                      WILLIE
          Dear God in heaven.

                      KITTY
          Consider it punishment duty.


EXT. CITY SKYLINE - DAY TO EVENING TO NIGHT

Time lapse animation, as the sun goes down.


INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Willie looks and feels out of place in a cheap suit.  He 
runs his finger inside his collar.  He checks his pocket.

He perks up as Ursula arrives, their SERVER shows her to 
the table.

                      SERVER 
          I'll give you a moment, then come 
          back and take your drinks order.

He wanders off. Willie takes Ursula in with his eyes, she
wears a dress worthy of a Hollywood red carpet event.

                      WILLIE
          You look... terrific.

                      URSULA
          Thank you.  Well, this is nice.  
          Are you sure you can afford it?

                      WILLIE
          Money is no object, I've got it 
          covered.  I wanted tonight to be 
          very special.

                      URSULA
          Oh, it will be.

Willie doesn't see it, but Ursula gives him a predatory 
stare and licks her lips as if he's on the menu.

The Server returns -- we only see his body up to the neck, 
not his head -- and hands them both menus, Ursula takes 
hers without looking up.

                      WILLIE
          Thank you...?

Willie looks up and we see the Server is different.  We 
recognize him as Zeus Mephisto, wearing a waiter's jacket.  
Zeus smiles down at Willie.  His hair like devil horns.

                      ZEUS
          Sorry to interrupt your evening.

                      WILLIE
          Uh...

Ursula stares in horror at her menu.  Because inside is a 
strip of yellow parchment covered with weird characters.  
Her thumb is touching it, burning flesh HISSES and SMOKES.

                      ZEUS
          Hello, Ursula.  You're looking 
          well.  Life here agrees with you.

                      URSULA
          No, no, no no no.

                      ZEUS
          I'm afraid yes.  It's your return 
          ticket to the hot place.  Let's 
          not make a scene.  You don't want 
          to embarrass your young man.

                      WILLIE
          What's going on, who the hell are 
          you?

Willie makes to rise but Zeus's hand is on his shoulder.

                      ZEUS
          I'm afraid she has to come with 
          me.  Don't you, Ursula my dear?

Without any fuss, Ursula stands up, turns away and walks 
to the exit.

                      ZEUS
          It's probably hard for you to
          understand right now, but I've
          probably just saved your life.
          Succubi don't go on dinner
          dates for the food.

Zeus walks after Ursula.  Willie stares at their long tails, 
which end in arrow heads.  Zeus stops, looks back, smiles.

                      ZEUS
          Hopefully you'll get a refund on 
          the ring.  Be seeing you.

And they're gone.  A beat.  Willie raises his hand.

                      WILLIE
          Check please?

The End.
                                                        May 2018