Short screenplay from the Done Deal "In A World Where..." contest, Sept 2008

Sword of Doom

OVER BLACK

                      ANTHONY HOPKINS (V.O.)
          Things were not always as they are 
          now.

FADE IN:


EXT. ANCIENT STONE CITADEL WITH TOWERS - DAY


EXT. CITADEL GATES - DAY

The gates swing open!  CUE STIRRING ORCHESTRA MUSIC.  Twenty 
mounted KNIGHTS in black armor with horned helmets and 
billowing red cloaks charge out.


INT. TOWER ROOM WITH BALCONY - DAY

Overlooking the courtyard the Knights just rode out from.  
SOLDIERS push the heavy gates shut.

QUEEN LYDIA, once a hottie princess herself, now a frosty 
and erotic MILF, watches.  (For God's sake make sure fresh 
flowers are delivered daily to Miss Sarandon's trailer!)

LORD DEMORG a handsome rogue steps up beside her.  (Note, 
Orlando insists all shots must show his good side!).

                      DEMORG
          They'll be back in a week with the 
          princess and the key, highness.  I 
          swear it on the honor of my left 
          hand.

Demorg draws his dagger and cuts his left hand off!  He 
thrusts his wrist into a burning torch, cauterizing the wound.  
SIZZLE!  Demorg bares his teeth and doesn't make a sound.

Queen Lydia wrinkles her nose in distaste.

                      QUEEN LYDIA
          What if the princess and the key 
          elude your fanatics?


EXT. ROCKY CANYON - DAY (10 SECONDS)

The twenty Knights gallop along led by NERIAD, an evil pink-
eyed albino with acne.

                      DEMORG (V.O.)
          Fail?  They won't fail.  Nothing can 
          stop Neriad and his unbeatable Knights 
          of Doom.


EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

An unbeatable Knight of Doom SCREAMS and staggers, blood 
bursting from a hideous wound that runs from neck to crotch.  
He falls to his knees, pitches onto his face.

The sword that slaughtered him moves into close shot, dripping 
blood.  It's a big sword.  And its owner is--

HACK THE BARBARIAN, a solid slab of bronzed muscle with a 
chiseled face and a mane of golden hair.  Hack raises his 
sword to his lips and licks it.

                      HACK
               (thick German accent)
          Blut fur der blut gott.


EXT. ANCIENT TEMPLE - NIGHT

3-second establishing shot.  (CGI)


INT. PRINCESS'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

PRINCESS ALEENA a young beauty, is awakened by sword fight 
SFX, clanging steel, SCREAMING.  Suddenly, silence.  (Note, 
Miss Alba insists her stretch marks are CGI'd out.  Make it 
so!)

The doors fly open!  Neriad grins at Aleena's fearful 
reaction.

                      ALEENA
          I am the Princess Aleena.  My 
          stepmother is Queen Lydia.  She will 
          have your head for this outrage.

Neriad throws back his head and laughs.  Aleena cowers, 
afraid.

                      NERIAD
          Put on some clothes, Princess.  You're 
          going on a trip.


EXT. JUNCTION OF DIRT ROADS - DAY

The twenty Knights stop.  Princess Aleena is tied behind one 
of the riders.

                      NERIAD
          Take the princess to yonder village 
          and guard her.  I'll be back with 
          the key soon.  They must be brought 
          back together!  Thus speaks the 
          prophecy.

Neriad gallops away with nine of his men.  The Lieutenant 
leads the other Knights and the Princess in the opposite 
direction.


EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

The Lieutenant and his Knights arrive.  But Hack blocks their 
way, they have to pull up.

                      LIEUTENANT
          Out of our way, you barbarian beast!

                      HACK
          I vas here furst.  You get out of my 
          way!

The Lieutenant draws his sword and dismounts.

                      LIEUTENANT
          Fool!  We are the Knights of Doom!

CUT TO:  the Lieutenant SLAMS into a wall with bone-jarring 
force.  He slowly slides down, unconscious.

Hack trades blows with various Knights who come at him from 
all directions only to get chopped by Hack's big sword.

Aleena, tied to her horse, looks down at Hack who assesses 
her with interest.

                      PRINCESS ALEENA
          I forbid you to look at me, barbarian.

A dazed Knight slowly rises behind Hack, he raises his sword--  
Without any fuss, Hack cuts the Knight down.

                      HACK
          You haf gut thighs.

                      PRINCESS ALEENA
          And I forbid you to speak to me.


EXT. DESERT - DAY

Hack and Princess Aleena gallop across the golden desert 
sands.  Behind them comes Neriad and his Knights in hot 
pursuit.

                      HACK
          What did you do to make them so angry?

Aleena is speechless.  ME?!


INT. TOWER ROOM WITH BALCONY - NIGHT

An old graybeard ADVISER bows to Queen Lydia.  Demorg watches 
with contempt.

                      ADVISER
          Majesty, the prophecy stones have 
          shifted again.

                      QUEEN LYDIA
          What do they say?  Tell me what they 
          say!  Will Princess Aleena arrive 
          soon?  Will her vibrant life-force 
          be transferred into my body so that 
          I shall live for a thousand years?

                      ADVISER
          They say a man is coming, Majesty.  
          A man from the north.

                      DEMORG
          The north is a frozen wasteland.  
          Only barbarians live there.  What 
          interest have we in such scum?

VARIOUS SCENES:

Hack cuts down Knights, Guards, Priests, more Knights,
more Guards, definitely more Priests, a Vampire, etc.

EXT. CAMPFIRE - NIGHT

Hack tears a leg off a cooked gopher and gives it to Aleena.  
She doesn't know what to do with it.

                      ALEENA
          Do you think I will live to see 
          another dawn?

                      HACK
          Eat your gopher.

CLOSING SHOTS:

Hack brings his big sword up.

Before him stand a hundred Knights of Doom.  Behind them are 
Demorg, Queen Lydia, and Aleena.

Hack smiles.

TITLE:  SWORD OF DOOM - COMING TO CINEMAS NEAR YOU SOON

                                                      Sept 2008