Short screenplay from the Done Deal "In A World Where..." contest,
       Sept 2008

       "Sword of Doom"




               OVER BLACK

                                     ANTHONY HOPKINS (V.O.)
                         Things were not always as they are 
                         now.

               FADE IN:


               EXT. ANCIENT STONE CITADEL WITH TOWERS - DAY


               EXT. CITADEL GATES - DAY

               The gates swing open!  CUE STIRRING ORCHESTRA MUSIC.  Twenty 
               mounted KNIGHTS in black armor with horned helmets and 
               billowing red cloaks charge out.


               INT. TOWER ROOM WITH BALCONY - DAY

               Overlooking the courtyard the Knights just rode out from.  
               SOLDIERS push the heavy gates shut.

               QUEEN LYDIA, once a hottie princess herself, now a frosty 
               and erotic MILF, watches.  (For God's sake make sure fresh 
               flowers are delivered daily to Miss Sarandon's trailer!)

               LORD DEMORG a handsome rogue steps up beside her.  (Note, 
               Orlando insists all shots must show his good side!).

                                     DEMORG
                         They'll be back in a week with the 
                         princess and the key, highness.  I 
                         swear it on the honor of my left 
                         hand.

               Demorg draws his dagger and cuts his left hand off!  He 
               thrusts his wrist into a burning torch, cauterizing the wound.  
               SIZZLE!  Demorg bares his teeth and doesn't make a sound.

               Queen Lydia wrinkles her nose in distaste.

                                     QUEEN LYDIA
                         What if the princess and the key 
                         elude your fanatics?


               EXT. ROCKY CANYON - DAY (10 SECONDS)

               The twenty Knights gallop along led by NERIAD, an evil pink-
               eyed albino with acne.

                                     DEMORG (V.O.)
                         Fail?  They won't fail.  Nothing can 
                         stop Neriad and his unbeatable Knights 
                         of Doom.


               EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

               An unbeatable Knight of Doom SCREAMS and staggers, blood 
               bursting from a hideous wound that runs from neck to crotch.  
               He falls to his knees, pitches onto his face.

               The sword that slaughtered him moves into close shot, dripping 
               blood.  It's a big sword.  And its owner is--

               HACK THE BARBARIAN, a solid slab of bronzed muscle with a 
               chiseled face and a mane of golden hair.  Hack raises his 
               sword to his lips and licks it.

                                     HACK
                              (thick German accent)
                         Blut fur der blut gott.


               EXT. ANCIENT TEMPLE - NIGHT

               3-second establishing shot.  (CGI)


               INT. PRINCESS'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

               PRINCESS ALEENA a young beauty, is awakened by sword fight 
               SFX, clanging steel, SCREAMING.  Suddenly, silence.  (Note, 
               Miss Alba insists her stretch marks are CGI'd out.  Make it 
               so!)

               The doors fly open!  Neriad grins at Aleena's fearful 
               reaction.

                                     ALEENA
                         I am the Princess Aleena.  My 
                         stepmother is Queen Lydia.  She will 
                         have your head for this outrage.

               Neriad throws back his head and laughs.  Aleena cowers, 
               afraid.

                                     NERIAD
                         Put on some clothes, Princess.  You're 
                         going on a trip.


               EXT. JUNCTION OF DIRT ROADS - DAY

               The twenty Knights stop.  Princess Aleena is tied behind one 
               of the riders.

                                     NERIAD
                         Take the princess to yonder village 
                         and guard her.  I'll be back with 
                         the key soon.  They must be brought 
                         back together!  Thus speaks the 
                         prophecy.

               Neriad gallops away with nine of his men.  The Lieutenant 
               leads the other Knights and the Princess in the opposite 
               direction.


               EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

               The Lieutenant and his Knights arrive.  But Hack blocks their 
               way, they have to pull up.

                                     LIEUTENANT
                         Out of our way, you barbarian beast!

                                     HACK
                         I vas here furst.  You get out of my 
                         way!

               The Lieutenant draws his sword and dismounts.

                                     LIEUTENANT
                         Fool!  We are the Knights of Doom!

               CUT TO:  the Lieutenant SLAMS into a wall with bone-jarring 
               force.  He slowly slides down, unconscious.

               Hack trades blows with various Knights who come at him from 
               all directions only to get chopped by Hack's big sword.

               Aleena, tied to her horse, looks down at Hack who assesses 
               her with interest.

                                     PRINCESS ALEENA
                         I forbid you to look at me, barbarian.

               A dazed Knight slowly rises behind Hack, he raises his sword--  
               Without any fuss, Hack cuts the Knight down.

                                     HACK
                         You haf gut thighs.

                                     PRINCESS ALEENA
                         And I forbid you to speak to me.


               EXT. DESERT - DAY

               Hack and Princess Aleena gallop across the golden desert 
               sands.  Behind them comes Neriad and his Knights in hot 
               pursuit.

                                     HACK
                         What did you do to make them so angry?

               Aleena is speechless.  ME?!


               INT. TOWER ROOM WITH BALCONY - NIGHT

               An old graybeard ADVISER bows to Queen Lydia.  Demorg watches 
               with contempt.

                                     ADVISER
                         Majesty, the prophecy stones have 
                         shifted again.

                                     QUEEN LYDIA
                         What do they say?  Tell me what they 
                         say!  Will Princess Aleena arrive 
                         soon?  Will her vibrant life-force 
                         be transferred into my body so that 
                         I shall live for a thousand years?

                                     ADVISER
                         They say a man is coming, Majesty.  
                         A man from the north.

                                     DEMORG
                         The north is a frozen wasteland.  
                         Only barbarians live there.  What 
                         interest have we in such scum?

               VARIOUS SCENES:

               Hack cuts down Knights, Guards, Priests, more Knights,
               more Guards, definitely more Priests, a Vampire, etc.

               EXT. CAMPFIRE - NIGHT

               Hack tears a leg off a cooked gopher and gives it to Aleena.  
               She doesn't know what to do with it.

                                     ALEENA
                         Do you think I will live to see 
                         another dawn?

                                     HACK
                         Eat your gopher.

               CLOSING SHOTS:

               Hack brings his big sword up.

               Before him stand a hundred Knights of Doom.  Behind them are 
               Demorg, Queen Lydia, and Aleena.

               Hack smiles.

               TITLE:  SWORD OF DOOM - COMING TO CINEMAS NEAR YOU SOON


§

Back to Script Samples

Back to my Home Page