Short screenplay from the Done Deal "In A World Where..." contest,
Sept 2008

"Flying Nun"

FADE IN:


EXT. LITTLE SISTERS OF PITY CONVENT - DAY

NUNS wander the tranquil gardens as relaxing music plays over.


INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE - DAY

SISTER BRIDGET knocks and peeks inside, the MOTHER SUPERIOR waves 
her in.

                      SISTER BRIDGET
               (Irish accent)
          You wanted to see me, Mother Superior?

                      MOTHER SUPERIOR
          Yes Sister Bridget, sit down.  I've got a special 
          job for you.

Mother Superior shoves a photograph across her desk, Sister Bridget picks it 
up, it's an OLD PRIEST with a benevolent smile.


EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

Two muscle cars SCREECH round a corner, engines ROARING, one chasing 
the other.


INT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR (MOVING) - DAY

The Old Priest from the photograph sits nervously in the back seat clutching a 
leather briefcase on his lap.

A YOUNG PRIEST drives while another PRIEST leans out the window and 
aims a machine-gun.  BRRRRAAAAAAAKKKKK!!!


INT. PURSUIT MUSCLE CAR (MOVING) - DAY

The windshield shatters around her but Sister Bridget keeps driving, teeth bared 
in determination.


INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Mother Superior offers Sister Bridget a cigarette.

                      SISTER BRIDGET
          I'm trying to give them up.

                      MOTHER SUPERIOR
          Better to smoke than to masturbate, that's 
          what I always say.  They're closing us down, 
          Sister.  Budget cuts.  Father Antonio's joint 
          does more good for the community, so the 
          Bishop says.  It's all over for us.


INT. PURSUIT MUSCLE CAR (MOVING) - DAY

Sister Bridget, face spattered with blood, has one hand on the wheel, her other 
hand aims an Uzi machine-pistol.  BRRRRRAAAAAAAKKKKK!!!


EXT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR (MOVING) - DAY

Bullets PLINK, glass SHATTERS, the Priest with the machine-gun jerks and 
hangs out the passenger window, dead.


EXT. LITTLE SISTERS OF PITY CONVENT - DAY

                      SISTER BRIDGET (V.O.)
          Mother Superior, I came here to get away from 
          the sins of my past life.


INT. MOTHER SUPERIOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Mother Superior blows smoke at the ceiling.

                      MOTHER SUPERIOR
          I'm not asking you to go home and blow up a 
          school bus, Bridget.  I'm just asking you to kill 
          that smug bastard and take the five million 
          dollar check the Bishop gave him.


EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

The lead muscle car SLAMS into a reversing truck.

The pursuit muscle car skids to a stop behind it.


INT. COP STATION DETECTIVE'S ROOM - DAY

Plainclothes 'tec FANCY TOPPS sits on the edge of JUG-EARS NEWMAN's 
paperwork-littered desk and hands the unamused Newman a bundle of 
Polaroids.

                      TOPPS
          It's not every day a priest gets gunned down.  
          Today we got three.


EXT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR - DAY

Smoke billows, the Young Priest raises his head, stunned.  He looks in his side 
mirror.

Sister Bridget advances like the angel of death, black habit flowing, Uzi by her 
side.

                      NEWMAN (V.O.)
          We got any witnesses?


INT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR - DAY

The dazed Young Priest fumbles with an automatic pistol, pulls back the slide--

Sister Bridget steps up to his window, BBRRRAAAAAK!

                      TOPPS (V.O.)
          Sure.  They all say the same thing.  The hottest 
          nun they ever saw did a number on our boys 
          in black.


INT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR BACK SEAT - DAY

Sister Bridget wrenches open the back door.  The Old Priest cringes in terror.


INT. COP STATION DETECTIVE'S ROOM - DAY

                      TOPPS
          Even better?  Security camera took her picture.

Topps opens a folded print-out with a grainy blown-up shot of Sister Bridget's 
face.


INT. CHAPEL - DAY

Sister Bridget kneels before the altar and crosses herself.  Tears stream down 
her face.


INT. COP STATION DETECTIVE'S ROOM - DAY

Newman grabs the print-out, his eyes are bugging out his head, he's fit to 
explode.

                      TOPPS
          Yeah, I kinda thought you'd say that.


INT. LEAD MUSCLE CAR BACK SEAT - DAY

Sister Bridget aims her Uzi at the Old Priest.

                      OLD PRIEST
          In the name of God, who are you?  What do 
          you want?

Bridget snatches his briefcase, finds a slim leather wallet inside, thumbs it 
open, and there's the check:

THE MOST HOLY INTERNATIONAL BANK OF THE VATICAN

Please Pay The Bearer Of This Script The Sum Of...

$5,000,000.00 (Five Million Dollars Only)

                      OLD PRIEST
          Damn you to hell, you murdering bitch.

                      SISTER BRIDGET
          Too late, Father.  I'm already damned.

BBBBRRRRAAAAAAAAKKK!!


INT. COP STATION CHIEF'S OFFICE - DAY

Newman slams the print-out down on the grim-faced CHIEF's desk.

                      NEWMAN
          You think I don't recognize the lunatic bitch 
          who killed my family?

                      CHIEF
          You're off the case, Newman.


INT. NEWMAN'S CAR (MOVING) - DAY

Newman drives like a lunatic -- Topps casts a glance at his partner.

                      TOPPS
          This is not the Gulf.  You are not a pilot.


EXT. ANOTHER CITY STREET - DAY

Sister Bridget shoots it out with FOUR COPS who scramble for cover behind 
their cars.


INT. STORE CLOTHING DEPARTMENT - DAY

Sister Bridget shoots it out with MORE COPS.  Store dummies are cut down in 
the murderous crossfire.


EXT. NEWMAN'S SHOT-UP, BUSTED-UP CAR - DAY

Newman, spattered with blood, shirt ripped, reaches through the broken side 
window to snatch the radio mike.

                      NEWMAN (INTO RADIO)
          This is Newman!  I am calling battle stations!  
          Every available unit in the city, respond!


EXT. LITTLE SISTERS OF PITY CONVENT - DAY

A fleet of cop cars screech to a stop, DOZENS OF COPS emerge with guns 
ready -- and find themselves caught in a raging battle with DOZENS OF NUNS 
hiding behind statues and trees and hedges, armed to the teeth and ready for 
'em.  BBBRRRRRAAAAAAAKKKK!!!  Cops go down!  Nuns go down!

                      COP SERGEANT (INTO RADIO)
          Nuns!  Nuns!


EXT. HIGH CITY STREET - DAY

Sister Bridget's pursuit muscle car comes sailing over a rise and bounces down 
the hill, losing a hubcap.

Newman's car comes shooting after, lights flashing, siren WAILING.


INT. NEWMAN'S CAR (MOVING) - DAY

Newman's knuckles are as white as his bared teeth.

                      TOPPS
          I repeat, you are not a pilot!

Topps looks ahead -- his eyes bulge with terror.

                      TOPPS
          Ooooooh ssssssshhhhhhiiiii---!!!


EXT. CITY STREET - DAY

Sister Bridget walks among the scattered bodies of COPS and shot-up cop 
cars.  It's like the middle of Beirut.

A COP groans, still alive.  Sister Bridget aims her Uzi at his face.

                      SISTER BRIDGET
          Give generously.  It's for a good cause.

CRASH CUT TO BLACK

BBBRRRRRAAAAAAAACKK!!!

TITLE:  FLYING NUN - COMING TO CINEMAS NEAR YOU SOON
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