DEATH COMES TO THE NORTH POLE FADE IN INT. ENTRY HALL - DAY At one end, the outside world, a snowy landscape. A whistling, cold wind blows. At the other end, a store room containing a big sled, loaded with bulky sacks. Hanging from wall hooks are a dozen leather harnesses. An ELF comes running inside, clearly terrified, clearly being chased by something. He stumbles and staggers. LOUD HOOFBEATS. SNORTING. A HUGE SHADOW blots out the light from the outside world. The Elf spins round to face what's coming, he opens his mouth to SCREAM-- Cut away from the doomed Elf, RED BLOOD spatters the hall as SWISHING, SLASHING SOUNDS, as if from multiple blades, play over the Elf's YELPS. INT. STUDY - DAY The BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN whose name must not be spoken aloud lest he adds you to his naughty list, sits at his desk, which is piled with yellow scrolls. He dips a feather quill into an ink pot and writes on one of the scrolls. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN Refused to help his mother with chores... called his little sister names... Oh, dear. Definitely a lump of coal for you, you little shit. Something, perhaps a noise, makes the Big Man stop writing and turn to look at the door. Just at that moment the door opens and another Elf bows from the waist. His name is BOB. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN I told you I was not to be-- BOB My lord! There's something happening out there! One should perhaps pause for a moment to describe Bob. He has a pale complexion and has pointy ears and big blue eyes and a pointy nose. He wears a green cap, a green jacket with silver buttons, and green pants tucked into shiny black boots. All Elves look like this. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN If you could be more specific...? BOB Merry and Bright went outside to round up the herd. That was over an hour ago. I sent Roundbutt to see what was holding things up. The Big Man sets his quill down and stands up. He towers over Bob, a giant of a man to the smaller Elf. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN Spare me your exposition. Show me what is amiss. Bob nods and turns and runs off. The Big Man ducks his head through the doorway and lumbers after him. INT. LONG HALLWAY - DAY Bob scoots by. Behind him comes the Big Man, each of his long strides three times the length of Bob's. This place is built for smaller people, the Big Man has to duck constantly to avoid banging his noggin on joists and arches. There are doors along either side of the long hallway and through them we catch glimpses of clanking assembly lines, sacks are filled with toys and electronic gadgets. ELVES manning the machines look round as the Big Man passes by. Bob leads the Big Man to a doorway at the end of the long hallway. He stops there and beckons for the Big Man to stop. Bob peeks through the doorway and pulls back instantly. The Big Man, who is hunched over below the low ceiling, turns his head and listens. HOOFBEATS. SNORTING. INT. MIDDLE ROOM - DAY Looking back through the doorway, beyond which the Big Man and the Elf lurk. In this room there are many large shapes moving around, we only see their shadows, cast large upon the walls and through the doorway. More LOUD HOOFBEATS and SNORTING. UNSEEN ELF (O.S.) No, please, haven't I always been kind to you, haven't I brought you nice lichen? The SNORTING becomes angrier, if you can imagine such a thing. The unseen elf SCREAMS. And the walls are suddenly painted with blood spatter. The Big Man and Bob look at each other, horrified. INT. LONG HALLWAY - DAY The Big Man notices a big axe hanging on the wall, with a sign underneath that reads: IN CASE OF FIRE YELL LOUDLY AND CHOP YOUR WAY OUT The Big Man's huge hands reach for the big axe. INT. MIDDLE ROOM - DAY The Big Man pushes himself through the doorway, hiding the axe behind his back. The HOOFBEATS and SNORTING die away. Abrupt silence. The Big Man finds himself staring at several REINDEER. They stand in the bloody remains of the Elf who had pleaded for mercy, but received only a terrible death. Their antlers are like huge scythes, dripping gore. One of the reindeer pushes forward through the others. He has a mutant defect, his nose radiates a pulsating red light. Alas there is no room here for his tragic backstory involving his mother giving birth in the glowing ruins of an abandoned Russian nuclear facility, then sacrificing her own life to distract the hunters so her child could survive. But it also gave him the power of human speech. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN I should have guessed it was you. I took you in and gave you shelter, a place to live, when others treated you as an outcast. In return you have betrayed me. And have murdered my faithful Elves. RED NOSE REINDEER Don't ask us to feel sympathy for your overseers. Their cruel lash has drawn blood for the last time. We will no longer obey. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN And what happens tonight? The red-nosed reindeer cocks his head to one side, puzzled. RED NOSE REINDEER Tonight? BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN Don't pretend you don't know it's the biggest night of the year, when I travel everywhere, spreading joy and peace. Without my influence, the world will descend into chaos and madness. RED NOSE REINDEER That sounds like a human problem. HOOVES STAMP and NOSTRILS SNORT, the reindeer like this! INT. LONG HALLWAY - DAY A dozen Elves from the toy assembly lines gather behind Bob, he signals to them to keep in to the sides so they won't be noticed by the reindeer in the next room. The Elves are armed with hammers, wrenches, toy soldiers with rifles fixed with bayonets. One hugs a huge teddy bear, Bob looks at him, the Elf hangs his head in shame. INT. MIDDLE ROOM - DAY The Big Man takes deep breaths, controlling his temper. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN I am willing to overlook your crimes and forego punishment, if you agree to pull my sled come zero hour. RED NOSE REINDEER You really believe the fate of the world depends on your flying through the sky and delivering presents to children? BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN It's not what I believe that matters. It's what everyone else believes. Just for one morning, a significant number of children will be happy, and their happiness will stave off the darkness. The red-nosed reindeer shakes his head. RED NOSE REINDEER Still not feeling it. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN You would doom the world? RED NOSE REINDEER The human world means nothing to us. All your kind does is destroy and pollute. There are still places we can retreat to, where we can live in peace, untouched by your lust for war. The red-nosed reindeer cranes his neck as if looking behind the Big Man. RED NOSE REINDEER Wha'cha got there? The Big Man reveals the axe. RED NOSE REINDEER You offer peace with one hand, while gripping your weapon in the other. You are not quite human, this we know, but you share many of their traits. Untrustworthiness being but one of those. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN Big words, for a platter of venison. The Big Man raises the axe and screams and rushes forward, as he does so Bob and the Elves come pouring through the doorway, everyone YELLING like enraged animals. The Big Man and his Elves, and the red-nosed reindeer and the other reindeer, come together in a bloody orgy of violence, heavy tools crash down upon reindeer skulls, while reindeer antlers impale Elves or toss them high into the air. The big axe swings left and right, decapitating reindeer heads. But then the Big Man is smashed against a wall and reindeer antlers pin both his arms, so he can't swing no more. He is held there, and can't get free. He GROWLS in rage! As he looks around, he sees Bob and the last of the Elves being cut down by antlers and stamped into the floor. The reindeer aren't taking prisoners. Nor do the Elves ask for quarter, they fight to the end, for their beloved master. A teddy bear is ripped apart, stuffing flies. The Big Man closes his eyes, feeling sad perhaps. When he opens them again he sees the red-nosed reindeer, standing a few feet away, watching him with cold eyes. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN Damn you to Hell, you ungrateful beast! You were the leader of my sleigh team! You had respect, you had prestige. With me gone, your fellows will turn on you. The red-nosed reindeer slowly shakes his head. RED NOSE REINDEER What matters is that your capitalist hold upon us is broken. We are free, from this moment we decide our own fate. This foul place will be sealed off and buried under the snow. Subsequent generations will never know of you. You will be erased from history. BIG JOLLY BEARDED MAN That's where you're wrong. You can't kill an idea. You can't kill a belief. I am eternal. The red-nosed reindeer lunges forward and his antlers impale the Big Man, who gasps a final gasp, then slumps, eyes closed, dead. The other reindeer back away, releasing his arms, so the Big Man slowly slides down to the floor. One by one the reindeer turn around and exit the room. The red-nosed reindeer gazes thoughtfully at the corpse. RED NOSE REINDEER Thus dies the tyrant. The red-nosed reindeer turns and follows the other reindeer out of the room. INT. ENTRY HALL - DAY The red-nosed reindeer gazes at the outside world, a snowy landscape. No sign of the other reindeer, they're gone. RED NOSE REINDEER Bastards. A whistling, cold wind blows. FADE OUT 12/2024
Scribbled for the Xmas 2024 contest on the screenwritingforums.com message board.
Admin'd by Centos. The results were:Christmas '24 Contest Results 1st 2nd 3rd Total Points Death Comes to the North Pole 2 1 x 8 The Grinch Who Killed Christmas 2 x 1 7 SantaLand x 3 x 6
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The origin of this weird little tale lies with the annual Xmas-themed
exchange on the Drunk Duck comic website, several participants created
fun pics for each other, and mine included:
and:
So not an exact adaptation, but "inspired by"