Short screenplay for the 2017 Xmas contest. THE BATTLE OF THE NORTH POLE FADE IN: EXT. NORTH POLE - DAY Through falling snow we glimpse a small village comprised of dozens of wooden huts. Warm yellow light shines from the windows. EXT. HUT - DAY The door opens and an ELF (pointed ears, red nose, green Elf attire and hat) sticks his head out and looks around. ELF I'm telling you, I heard something. FLASH, a laser-bolt blasts him in the chest. He grimaces, collapses, falls over. Smoke rises from his chest. Out of the snow come DOZENS OF ELVES wearing Special Snow Forces white camouflage clothing and carrying laser rifles. An SS Elf leaps in through the hut doorway. Panicked shouting and screaming from inside. FLASH FLASH FLASH. Other SS Elves run between the huts. They kick doors open and leap inside. FLASH FLASH FLASH. More screaming. An SS Officer Elf speaks into his walkie-talkie. SS OFFICER ELF We've taken them completely by surprise, Lord Blizzard. You can come in now. EXT. SOMEWHERE ON THE ICE - DAY A wooden mallet rises and falls, hammering a hole in the ice. The ice cracks and a hole is created. FERDY, a young elf, peers into the hole. Water is visible. FERDY Aw yuss. Ferdy's shaggy little dog, YAPPER, barks happily. Ferdy puts down his mallet and takes up his fishing rod. He lowers the hook into the water. FERDY (CONT'D) The first fish is yours, boy, I promise, ha ha! Yapper turns his head and his ears prick up, as if he's heard something. Ferdy is oblivious. EXT. HUT - DAY SS Elves stand to attention as a snow sled pulls up. LORD BLIZZARD steps down, his boots crunching the snow. A sinister young Elf with cold eyes, dressed all in black. LORD BLIZZARD How many? SS OFFICER ELF Sixteen dead, my lord. Another dozen or so wounded. No casualties on our side. LORD BLIZZARD Where is he? SS Officer Elf points to the biggest hut. INT. SANTA'S HUT - DAY It's like a scene from a Spaghetti Western, Elf bodies are scattered everywhere, tables and chairs are overturned. A big fat sad man sits in a chair by the stone fireplace, guarded by two SS Elves. He wears a red jacket and red pants trimmed with white fur. His beard is white as snow. You would know him as SANTA CLAUS. Lord Blizzard enters. He pauses in the doorway. He stares at Santa Claus. Santa Claus glares back at him. SANTA CLAUS I should have known it was you who orchestrated this madness. Only you would have the arrogance-- Lord Blizzard holds up a hand, stopping him. LORD BLIZZARD Please. Don't put this on me. You insist upon doing things the old way, with wooden mallets and hammers, instead of modernizing. I tried to convince you, but no. You would not surrender the reins. Literally. Lord Blizzard sweeps his arm, indicating the dead. LORD BLIZZARD (CONT'D) And so, this. It is your doing, not mine. SANTA CLAUS Damn you. Damn you to heck. LORD BLIZZARD Take the old fool away and lock him up. The SS Elf guards pull Santa out of his chair and lead him outside. EXT. SOMEWHERE ON THE ICE - DAY Ferdy pulls a fish out of the hole in the ice. FERDY This one's for you, boy. But Yapper isn't paying attention. The dog stares into the distance. Ferdy notices. FERDY (CONT'D) What is it, boy? An ELF bursts out of the falling snow, running as if the hounds of Hell are after him. In a sense they are. Two SS ELVES pursue him. They stop and take aim. FLASH, FLASH. The running Elf is blasted by laser bolts and falls. Ferdy throws himself flat on the snow and watches with wide eyes as the SS Elves prod the dead Elf's body. SS ELF 1 Haw haw haw. Did you see how he almost flipped completely over? SS ELF 2 Let's see if we can find any more. Ferdy shakes with fear or anger or maybe both. He clutches his mallet. He wants to hammer these elves. But something stops him. Common sense? Self-preservation? Yapper barks. Ferdy wants to shout YAPPER, NO! But it's too late. The two SS Elves see Yapper. They look around. Ferdy is just a snowy lump among many snowy lumps. SS ELF 1 I hate dogs. SS Elf 1 raises his laser rifle and takes aim. Yapper barks and prances to the right. FLASH! The laser bolt misses him. SS ELF 1 (CONT'D) Son of a-- Yapper barks and prances to the left. FLASH! Missed again! SS ELF 1 (CONT'D) Damn thing won't stay still. Ferdy erupts from the snow like a rage monster, mallet swinging. He takes SS Elf 1 out with a crunching blow. SS Elf 2 backs away in a panic as Ferdy advances on him. SS ELF 2 No, wait, no, please, don't-- Another crunching blow ends his mewling pleas. Ferdy stands there panting, holding his bloodied mallet. Yapper pants too, that was fun! Ferdy looks at the footprints that stretch off into the snow. He follows the trail. Yapper bounds after him. EXT. SANTA'S HUT - DAY Lord Blizzard preens himself in front of a mirror. LORD BLIZZARD Welcome to the North Pole, I am Lord Blizzard. Welcome, I am Lord Blizzard, absolute ruler of the North Pole. Gentlemen, to the North Pole, welcome. You may address me as Lord Blizzard. SS Officer Elf looks in. SS OFFICER ELF They're ready for you, my lord. LORD BLIZZARD Excellent, I'll be right out. EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY Lord Blizzard stands on a box, with armed SS Elves on either side. They face dozens of frightened worker Elves who have been rounded up. Many wear bandages. All the square exits are blocked by more SS Elves. LORD BLIZZARD I have done all I could to make this transition as painless as possible. Unfortunately, due to the stupid actions of certain persons, there were, I regret to say, some casualties. Oh how I wish these tragic losses could have been avoided. ELF IN CROWD Where's Santa? SS Officer Elf looks up at Lord Blizzard. Do you want the speaker dealt with? Lord Blizzard makes a subtle hand gesture, no, it's okay. LORD BLIZZARD He is being well cared for, you need not worry about him. Recent events have affected him, however. He is not quite himself. Let's not upset him any more, eh? Among the worker Elves is a pretty girl Elf called Rosie, who frowns in disapproval of what she's hearing. Rosie's gaze flits past the SS Elf guards and (gasp!) she sees Ferdy, peeking around the corner of a hut. Ferdy sees Rosie. Rosie rolls her eyes to the left, inviting Ferdy to look in that direction. Ferdy looks, she's indicating a small hut at the edge of the village. LORD BLIZZARD (CONT'D) The foreign investors will arrive within the hour. We shall all go to the airstrip to welcome them. And then, on to the toy factory, so we can discuss the proposed upgrades. A torchlit procession. Wouldn't that be lovely? As a welcoming gesture. We want to make them feel welcome, don't we? The gathered Elves look at each other dubiously. INT. SMALL WOODEN HUT - DAY Santa sits on a bed, looking glum. An SS Elf looks in the doorway, checking up on him. Santa gives him the middle finger. The SS Elf turns away and moves out of sight. An almighty THUMP. Santa stares at the doorway, wondering what the noise was. Ferdy peeks inside. He sees Santa. FERDY Santa Claus! SANTA CLAUS Ferdinand. How did you get past the guards? Ferdy drags his bloody wooden mallet into view. SANTA CLAUS (CONT'D) I see. Well done. FERDY Blizzard has a lot of bad Elves with him. They have scary guns that spit light. SANTA CLAUS Those Star Battle toys were never meant to be weaponized. They're for children! Only a maniac would remove their limiters. FERDY Isn't making toy guns that can be turned into fully functional assault weapons dangerous? SANTA CLAUS Sometimes we have to cut corners, Ferdinand. FERDY What are you going to do now? Santa moves to the doorway, looks outside. SANTA CLAUS Actually I was thinking about grabbing my sleigh and flying out of this madhouse. FERDY But what about your people? What about the toy factory? SANTA CLAUS I can't help them. Blizzard has armed guards everywhere. We should split up. I'll head for the stables. You rejoin the Elves. FERDY They're heading for the airstrip. SANTA CLAUS Perhaps you can catch up with them. Good luck! Santa Claus exits and hurries away. Ferdy isn't sure what to do. He hears a dog barking. EXT. VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY The square's almost empty now, all the Elves are gone except for two douchenozzle SS Elves throwing snowballs at Yapper, who tries to avoid them but gets pelted. SS ELF 3 Dance, little doggy, dance! The mallet of doom crushes SS Elf 3. SS Elf 4 jumps back and aims his laser rifle at Ferdy. SS ELF 4 You'll pay for your defiance! Yapper leaps and his jaws snap shut on SS Elf 4's throat. SS Elf 4 topples backward like a felled tree. Yapper barks and runs around Ferdy. FERDY Good boy. I want you to stay here. I know you want to come with me, but it's too dangerous. I'll be back. EXT. AIRSTRIP - DAY Lord Blizzard stands in his sled, with SS Elves around him. The worker Elves are lined up on either side of the strip, each holding a flaming torch. LORD BLIZZARD I think it's a nice touch, they'll appreciate it. He looks up, hearing the noise of an airplane engine. LORD BLIZZARD (CONT'D) Right on schedule. Lord Blizzard looks down and sees Ferdy standing in the middle of the airstrip. LORD BLIZZARD (CONT'D) Tell that idiot to join the others. If he doesn't do as he's told, get rid of him. SS Officer Elf beckons to two SS Elves and gives them instructions. Nearby, Rosie recognizes Ferdy, she fears for his life. The two SS Elves run toward Ferdy. SS ELF 5 Move! Or we will use deadly force! SS ELF 6 This is your only warning! Ferdy hefts his mallet. FERDY My little friend likes being right here. The SS Elves glance at each other. Okay, that's it. They take aim and fire, FLASH FLASH! But their laser bolts reflect off THE MIRROR FERDY HAS STRAPPED TO HIS BODY. And strike the SS Elves. They go down, smoking. Ferdy stalks toward Lord Blizzard. SS Elf guards open fire but their bolts reflect off the mirror. Several guards run at Ferdy but he smashes them aside with his mallet. The worker Elves see Ferdy's invincibility. If he can take down the guards, so can we! The flame of rebellion sparks and the worker Elves rush the SS Elves, beating them with their burning torches. Lord Blizzard sees certain doom rushing upon him. LORD BLIZZARD Oh come on, that's just not fair. He disappears under a wave of angry worker Elves. In moments it's over. The worker Elves cheer their victory, much like the Ewoks after the Battle of Endor, only much better-looking. Ferdy sits down in the snow, exhausted. He looks up as he hears an airplane engine. The sound fades, it's leaving. Rosie throws her arms around Ferdy and kisses him. Yapper runs up and licks Ferdy's face. They laugh together. ROSIE Where's Santa Claus? FERDY He'll return soon. And then we shall know the joy of Christmas! Snow falls on this happy scene as we pull back and FADE OUT. Dec 2017

Top of page
Back to Short Screenplays
Back to Script Samples
Back to my web page