Short from the Done Deal Xmas Special contest, Dec 2006
Qazworld: "santa claus has to take mrs. claus to the gynecologist."
FADE IN:
EXT. NORTH POLE - DAY
Snowflakes fall on a dozen ELVES in brightly colored
garb and pointed hats, who lie sprawled in various
positions of violent bloody death.
INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY
Medical diplomas hang on the walls.
SANTA and MRS. SANTA, a big-chested, long-legged babe
squeezed into a shiny red dress with white trim, sit facing
an unseen DOCTOR.
DOCTOR (O.S.)
I'm delighted to tell you
you're expecting a baby!
Mrs. Santa hugs Santa and kisses him on the cheek.
MRS. SANTA
That's wonderful!
Santa doesn't think so.
EXT. SNOW-COVERED ROOFTOP - NIGHT
Santa sits with his legs wrapped around a chimney. His
agonized MOANS fill the night.
SUBTITLE FADE IN: "One year earlier."
INT. SANTA'S TOY FACTORY - DAY
The Elves from the opening scene look up from making
toys. Santa stands in the doorway looking grim. A gun
in his gloved hand.
ELVES (TOGETHER)
Oh-oh!
The Elves all run for another exit. Santa stalks after them.
CUT TO BLACK
SHOOTING and SCREAMING.
TITLE CARD: Have a safe sex Christmas, y'all.
FADE OUT:
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