Short screenplay from the Done Deal "MADHOUSE - How to make a Monster!" contest,
November 2008
"Just A Quick Thank-You Note"
FADE IN:
EXT. STRETCH OF LONELY HIGHWAY - DAY
A beat-up sedan scoots along.
INT. SEDAN - DAY
Driven by SHAWNA a rock'n'roll babe with bad habits and a
low-cut top. She grooves to cool guitars.
LOOKING UP AHEAD, an empty junction.
Suddenly the radio turns to static mush, Shawna tuts annoyance
and tries to tune it back.
EXT. MACK TRUCK FRONT - DAY
Close up of a chrome grill -- a horn BLARES.
INT. SEDAN - DAY
Shawna is frozen in a moment of wide-eyed shock.
WHITE OUT
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY
Shawna's POV looking up at strip lights. She's on a trolley
being pushed along by PARAMEDICS and NURSES.
PARAMEDIC
--over the top of her. They had to
cut her out of the wreckage with
blowtorches.
On the trolley, Shawna's head is clamped in a brace. Her
eyes flicker left and right in panic.
SHAWNA
I can't feel my legs!
NURSE
That's because you don't have any.
SHAWNA
Oh. My. God!
PARAMEDIC
That's harsh.
NURSE
She won't even remember.
Shawna is horrified.
WHITE OUT
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Shawna lies asleep in bed with a bandage around her head.
The sheets are arranged to reveal that has no legs or arms.
She's just a torso and a head.
DOCTOR BEARD looks into the room and studies her.
Shawna wakes up and notices him.
SHAWNA
Hello?
BEARD
I'm Doctor Beard. You're in a
hospital.
SHAWNA
No shit. How long have I been here?
My mouth tastes like ass wipe.
BEARD
Three days. Can you remember what
happened?
SHAWNA
Mother fucker slammed into the side
of my car.
BEARD
So I was told. Well, our paramedics
got to the scene quickly. They saved
your life.
SHAWNA
Maybe they should have let me die.
Doctor Beard sits on the bed. There's plenty of room.
BEARD
It's God's will they didn't.
SHAWNA
God is a funny guy.
BEARD
No, you don't understand. I think
you were sent here for a purpose.
Off Shawna's puzzled look--
INT. BRIEFING ROOM - DAY
Shawna is strapped into a wheelchair so she doesn't fall
off, what with having no arms and legs.
Doctor Beard operates a slide projector that beams pictures
onto a screen. Various arms and legs, all shapes and colors.
Flick, flick, flick, dozens of arms and legs.
SHAWNA
What the fuck is this?
BEARD
We have an arrangement with other
medical facilities across the country.
We're licensed to receive and recycle
off-cuts, as we call them.
Flick, flick, flick. Dozens of arms and legs.
BEARD
Put simply, if you see any limbs you
like, we'll attach them to your body.
SHAWNA
If I had chunks, I'd be hurling them
'bout now.
BEARD
That's understandable. It usually
takes a while to get used to the
idea. But you have to understand,
these are perfectly good parts,
they've all been tested, joints have
been upgraded, veins replaced--
SHAWNA
Wait wait wait. Go back a couple of
frames.
Doctor Beard makes it happen. Shawna stares at a good-looking
pair of legs.
SHAWNA
Those look good. Do they come with
matching arms?
BEARD
I'll check the records and let you
know.
INT. GYMNASIUM - DAY
Shawna, now with arms and legs, wearing a track suit, jogs
on a treadmill.
Doctor Beard enters and smiles at the sight.
BEARD
Getting used to the new limbs, huh?
SHAWNA
Are you kidding? Watch this.
Shawna turns off the treadmill, sits down on a thighmaster
machine and powers through a set of brutal exercises like
The Hulk. The machine clangs and groans in protest.
BEARD
Hey, take it easy there.
SHAWNA
They're stronger than mine ever were.
BEARD
I've been looking at the tissue
compatibility test results. One
hundred percent match. Those arms
and legs really like you.
SHAWNA
I'm getting to like them, too.
BEARD
I'm thinking another couple of days
observation. If everything looks
okay, you can go home. All righty?
SHAWNA
How do I pay for this? How much
does it cost?
BEARD
Don't worry about it. We're funded
by research grants.
Beard exits. Shawns frowns.
EXT. THE CITY - NIGHT
Bright lights twinkle. A beautiful sight.
INT. SEEDY BAR - NIGHT
Shawna sits at the bar knocking back Tequilas.
A SLEAZY GUY sits down on the stool beside her.
SLEAZY GUY
Hey, buy you a drink?
SHAWNA
Would you like to fuck me?
SLEAZY GUY
I like a chick with class.
WHITE OUT
INT. NURSE'S DESK - DAY
Doctor Beard arrives wearing a coat and carrying his leather
briefcase.
DUTY NURSE
There's a police detective, he's
waiting in your office, I hope you
don't mind.
BEARD
Did he say what he wanted?
DUTY NURSE
Didn't you hear this morning's news?
BEARD
Nah. Too depressing. Rachmananov.
DUTY NURSE
You better let him tell you.
Beard heads for his office.
INT. BEARD'S OFFICE - DAY
DETECTIVE WINFIELD examines certificates hanging on the wall.
Beard enters.
BEARD
I'm Doctor Beard, what's this all
about.
Winfield shows his badge.
WINFIELD
Detective Sergeant Lance Winfield,
Homicide. We found notes with your
name on them. That's why I'm here.
BEARD
What notes, where? I'm afraid I'll
need some context. Did you say
Homicide?
Winfield takes a photograph from an envelope, gives it to
Beard.
The photograph shows the Sleazy Guy lying in an apartment.
Blood everywhere. His arms and legs are missing.
WINFIELD
That's the latest of fifteen
homicides, all happened last night.
Identical M.O. His pelvis was
crushed, as if he fell into some
giant industrial crushing machine.
Shock killed him. The arms and legs
were removed after death. Another
fourteen guys just like him were
fucked to death in the last twelve
hours. You want to see the note
that was left with the body?
Winfield gives a yellow Post-It to Beard. It reads, "Give
these to Dr. Beard. Tell him thanks."
Winfield takes out a second photograph. It shows arms and
legs in a transparent plastic sack, blood pooled at the
bottom.
WINFIELD
"Give these to Dr. Beard." Any
theories?
BEARD
I think I know who did this. We had
a patient. A woman. She was in an
auto accident. I made her whole
again.
WINFIELD
You made a monster, Doctor. And we
have no idea where she'll strike
next.
EXT. THE CITY - NIGHT
Twinkling lights. Not so beautiful now, huh?
FADE OUT
§