Entry in the Done Deal Valentine's Day 2013 contest "She's The One" FADE IN: EXT. CITY CENTER, NIGHTCLUB STRIP - NIGHT In the bright neon light from nearby establishments, MIA, a beautiful blonde girl in a short black dress, bends over and vomits into the gutter. GARY (V.O.) Oh man, she's beautiful. On GARY and NEVILLE, bouncers outside a nightclub. Gary's infatuation is counterbalanced by Neville's disgust. Unable to keep her balance, Mia sits down hard in the puddle of her own vomit. GARY Maybe I should call her a taxi. NEVILLE You could call her anything you like, she wouldn't even notice. Mia slowly keels over onto her side and goes to sleep in the gutter. GARY Hasn't she got lovely eyes? NEVILLE Mate, you have got to stop doing this. GARY Doing what? NEVILLE You need help. INT. GARY'S BEDROOM - MORNING A proper man's room, Top Gear posters on the walls. Mia's asleep in the bed, alone. She turns over, sunlight shines through the blinds and hits her face. She wakes up slowly, then suddenly jumps up with a start, where the fluck is she? And why is she wearing Top Gear pajamas? A gentle KNOCK. Gary opens the door, sticks his head in. GARY I wondered if you were awake. MIA Who the fluck are you? GARY I'm Gary. I brought you home last night? I asked you where you lived but you couldn't speak. MIA Did you fluck me? GARY No! You were totally out of it. I cleaned you up a bit and put you to bed. I slept on the couch. Mia reaches down and gives herself a good scratch. MIA It feels like my twat's been well pumped. GARY I can assure you it wasn't me. MIA Nevermind then. Any chance of some breakfast? GARY I was going to ask. Would you like some toast? MIA That would be great. GARY One slice or two? MIA Two. Four. Put some scrambled eggs and sausages and beans on them, would you? GARY Okay. INT. GARY'S KITCHEN - DAY Mia eats a full breakfast, still wearing the pajamas and now also wrapped in a Top Gear blanket. MIA Do you really like Top Gear or something? GARY I think it's by far the best programme on T.V. MIA You came to my rescue last night. Like a knight in shining armor. Like... Richard Hammond. GARY I just thought it was the right thing to do. Who knows what might have happened if I'd left you lying there in the gutter? MIA Someone could have shagged me. GARY I would have smacked them if they'd tried. MIA Are you a bit of a tough guy? GARY Me and my mate Neville work at the Swinging Sixties nightclub. We're bouncers. MIA I'd never go in there, it's all old people. GARY No, it's just a name, it's a retro style, they're not old or anything like that. MIA I've seen them, some of them are like, over thirty. Do you like banging older women? GARY They just say hello to us, they don't bang us. MIA Do you have a girlfriend? GARY Not right now. MIA Me neither. Got any more beans? INT. GARY'S TOILET - DAY Mia sits on the throne, pajama trousers around her ankles. PARP! She looks up as the door slowly opens. EMMA, Gary's mother, gawps at Mia. MIA Do you mind? I'm trying to squeeze one out here. EMMA I didn't know you were in here! You should have locked the door. MIA Who the fluck are you anyway? EMMA I'm Gary's mother! Who are you? MIA Oh, right. Don't look so horrified. He slept on the couch. I might have been a bit pissed last night. EMMA He's a big boy, who he chooses to bring home is his business. Not that he brings home a lot of girls. MIA The baby's coming. Do you think you could...? EMMA I'll leave you to it, shall I? MIA Thanks. Emma closes the door. INT. OUTSIDE THE TOILET - DAY Emma has a look of horror in her eyes. PARP! noises from inside the toilet. INT. GARY'S BEDROOM - DAY Mia enters, still in pajamas. She sees her clothes laid out neatly on the made-up bed. She picks up her dress, examines it. She takes a sniff. Oooh, nice. INT. GARY'S HALLWAY - DAY Dressed now, Mia joins Gary at the front door. MIA I can't believe you washed my clothes. Even my undies smell fresh. GARY I just threw them in the washing machine, I didn't sniff them or anything. The taxi's waiting. MIA I don't know if I can afford it. GARY It's all right, I already paid him. MIA That's really nice of you. I'll pay you back, honest. GARY Forget it. How do you fancy going out for dinner tonight? MIA Like to a burger place? GARY I was thinking a restaurant. MIA Yeah all right. GARY Oh. Okay. MIA What? GARY I didn't think you'd say yes. MIA Maybe we can go dancing after? GARY If you like. Mia pecks Gary on the cheek and skips outside. Gary watches her go with a happy smile on his face. INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT Gary and Mia at a table for two. Tonight she's wearing a classy combo of leopard print dress, matching leggings, streetwalker shoes. There's a single red rose in a long- stemmed vase on the table. Mia looks around, impressed. MIA This is really nice. She studies the menu. MIA The prices are a bit steep, though. GARY I happen to think you're worth it. MIA You're crazy, you are. A WAITER arrives. WAITER Would sir and madam care for some wine tonight? MIA Keep your fancy stuff, just give us the house red. Biggest bottle you've got. WAITER A carafe of house red, certainly. And what will sir be drinking? MIA Hey, are you implying I've got a long neck? WAITER Sorry, what? MIA You called me a giraffe. GARY Can I have a beer? In a glass? WAITER One beer in a glass and one bottle of red wine for the young lady. The Waiter hurries off. MIA Who's he calling a young lady? I'll shove my fist up his arse. GARY I don't think he meant any offense. MIA Truth to tell I feel a little bit out of place here. It makes me feel common as muck. GARY I think you look like a million dollars. MIA You really think so? GARY I really think so. You're the most beautiful girl here. MIA Do they do burgers? GARY We can always ask. Emma and Neville approach their table. Gary looks from one to the other, puzzled. Neville looks sheepish. GARY What are you doing here? EMMA We're staging an intervention. Gary, this has to stop. GARY Mum, you're embarrassing me. EMMA (to Mia) Every year he comes here. With a different girl. Trying to recapture the memory of his lost love. It's not healthy. MIA Your lost love? GARY I don't want to talk about it. This isn't about her. EMMA Tell her, Neville. NEVILLE Do I have to? GARY Mum, please, don't do this. EMMA She ran off with someone else. She waited until Valentine's Day to dump him. He sat here all night alone, waiting for her to turn up. She never did. Five years ago, and it still tears him apart. Mia slowly realizes... the restaurant... the rose... MIA Today's Valentine's Day. EMMA That's right. Every year he brings someone different. It never works out and he's heartbroken all over again. I won't have it, Gary. She's gone. You need to move on with your life. MIA I thought this was for my birthday. GARY What? MIA It's my birthday. No one ever remembers. Because of Valentine's Day. It's all flowers and hearts and crap. Everyone forgets about me. EMMA Never mind her, Gary. She's beneath you. You need to find a nice girl. Mia gets up and exits. Gary watches her go with regret. EMMA Neville will help you find someone, won't you, Neville? NEVILLE I'm as gay as a yellow silk handkerchief, Mrs. Barnsley. Gary gets up and exits after Mia. EMMA Gary, no, let her go-- EXT. CITY CENTER, NIGHTCLUB STRIP - NIGHT Mia tries to walk proud, but the tears just won't stop. Gary runs after her, calling her name. GARY Mia! Mia stops, turns round, he runs up and stops, panting. GARY I'm sorry, I didn't know. MIA Your mum thinks I'm something she scraped off her shoe. GARY I found a burger van. He opens a polystyrene box. Inside, a burger and chips in greaseproof paper. And the rose from the restaurant. GARY Happy birthday, Mia. Mia's smile outshines the moon. Cue nostalgic pop music track, touching our hearts. FADE OUT
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