I SUMMONED A LOVE DEMON (WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!) FADE IN: INT. DOTTIE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT DOTTIE, our attractive late-teens heroine, kneels on the bare floor, wearing a long nightdress. A clock above the fireplace tells us it's 2:22 Using white chalk, she draws what is obviously a pentagram, a five-pointed star inside two circles. The pentagram is maybe 5 feet wide. Dottie consults an old, leather-bound book that's full of weird writing and hand-drawn illustrations. Dottie draws mystical symbols into the space between the two circles. She sits back and studies the pentagram, again referring to the book. She sees an error, and makes a quick correction. She takes five black candles, which sit inside grinning plastic skulls, and places them on the five points of the star. She picks up a matchbook and strikes a match. She lights the candles one by one. Then sits back to admire her handiwork. DOTTIE So far so good. She reads the book, turns a page, reads more. DOTTIE Okay, blood. Must be fresh, and human. No substitutes. All righty. She moves a small glass jar so it's in front of her. She picks up a knife and stares at the blade. She gulps, this isn't fun. DOTTIE I can do this. I am a witch, from a long line of witches. The power of the cosmos is mine to wield. I am a witch. She closes her eyes and screws up her face and runs the knife across her palm. She SQUEALS in pain! DOTTIE Well, sh!t. She holds her hand over the glass jar and blood dribbles into it, drop by reluctant drop. Dottie squeezes her hand, trying to get more out. Drip, drip, drip. DOTTIE Come on, come on... Finally there's enough in the jar to shake around. Dottie wraps a cloth around her hand and ties it using her other hand and her teeth. She lifts the jar high with both hands. DOTTIE Osiris, lord of life and resurrection, hear me. She pours her blood into the center of the star, moving it around so it's a little swirl. DOTTIE I offer you my blood as tribute. Show me a sign of your acceptance. Dottie looks at the candle flames, as if she's expecting them to flicker or something. DOTTIE A sign, mighty Osiris! She stares at the pentagram. Nothing happens. Dottie consults the book again, flipping back and forward through the pages. DOTTIE Oh come on, I followed the friggin recipe. She looks at the clock, 2:47 She snaps the book shut. DOTTIE Dammit to Hell. She gets up, dusts off her knees, and stomps out, chucking the book onto a chair on her way past. INT. DOTTIE'S BATHROOM - NIGHT Dottie angrily brushes her teeth. INT. DOTTIE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT The candle flames flicker. The blood in the center of the pentagram bubbles. The pentagram and its surrounding circles glow with an eerie white light. INT. DOTTIE'S BATHROOM - NIGHT Dottie stares at her own reflection. DOTTIE You goddamn failure. You're not even a real witch. Great-aunt Agatha would be ashamed of you. She bends over the sink and spits. When she straightens up again she sees someone else in the mirror, behind her. A HORNED DEMON stands in the bathroom doorway. His skin is dark red, his eyes glow crimson. His glossy black hair is long and flows down over his shoulders like he's a model for a shampoo ad. DOTTIE Yes, can I help you? The demon tilts his head as if pondering this. When he speaks, his voice is a deep rumble and yet also a soft whisper. DEMON I am familiar with this language. Dottie slowly turns around to face him. She holds her toothbrush out as if it's a weapon, should she need a weapon. Dottie looks him over. He's naked. We don't get to see his glory, but Dottie does, her eyes widen in shock, or perhaps admiration. DOTTIE Be ye spirit or be ye demon? The demon smiles, and it's a handsome smile because he's a handsome demon. With the magic of close-ups and intercuts, Dottie's gaze focuses on his kissable lips. Her own lips part, as if she's imagining... well we can't possibly know what she's imagining. Or can we? DEMON Was it ye who opened the portal? Dottie shakes herself out of her little daydream. INSERT The book opens! Its pages quickly flip by until it stops at the pages Dottie was reading. The weird writing of the page's title translates itself into: ~A Simple Spell to Peek into Other Realms~ BACK TO SCENE DOTTIE A portal? No, I didn't... But Dottie thinks some more about this, and realizes... DOTTIE Aye, it was me. I am sorry if I have caused any confusion. I didn't think anyone would, you know... She waves her hand nervously. DOTTIE ...manifest. Physically. As such. The Demon stares at Dottie's bandaged hand. DEMON Your bloodline is powerful. You are a witch to be feared, and respected. DOTTIE Thank you, but you might be mistaken there, I've been trying really hard for ages, but none of the spells in Great-aunt Agatha's book have been working for me. DEMON Dost thou have a name? DOTTIE Well sure I have a name, I'm Dorothy, my friends call me Dottie. DEMON I am Braelagor. DOTTIE I'm very pleased to meet you, Braelagor. So... did you come here for a reason? DEMON Did you not wish to meet me? I assumed that was why you opened the portal. DOTTIE I only meant to look into the dark realms, not open an actual portal. Dottie cranes her neck to peer past the demon. She sees that eerie light in the living room. DOTTIE Uh, is it still open? DEMON I could not be here if it were not. DOTTIE So, just to be clear, you're not here for anything that involves death or destruction or the extinction of the human race? DEMON That is not my intention. DOTTIE No one else is going to join us, are they? More demons? Some eldritch monster with tentacles? DEMON None will disturb us. I hung an "occupied" sign on the other side. DOTTIE Oh good, very thoughtful. I... I have to say I love your hair. Dottie reaches out and gingerly touches the demon's black flowing locks, much like Peggy Carter couldn't help but touch Steve's muscular torso in Captain America: The First Avenger, if you need a comparison. DOTTIE And your hooves. CLOSE ON the demon's big hairy hooves. DOTTIE We don't see a lot of those around here, to be honest. Dottie smiles and the demon smiles too. DEMON My eyes also find you pleasing, Lady Dorothy. What do you do for fun? DOTTIE F-f-fun? DEMON Do you engage in battle, do you revel in slaughtering your enemies and drinking their blood? I noted the skulls decorating your lair. INSERT CLOSE ON one of the skull candle holders on the pentagram, it could not be more obvious it's a cheap plastic replica. BACK TO SCENE DOTTIE I'm trying to cut down on the slaughtering. I like to read. And watch horror movies. I'm still in college so there's lots of studying. What about you? The demon somehow manages to look wistful and unhappy, not easy when you're wearing this amount of make-up. DEMON Sometimes I watch demon pit fights. Or sometimes I sit and gaze upon the fires of Hell and listen to the screams of the damned. But I have found... I have found such activities can be lonely, if there is no one to share them with. So I thought... well, you know. Why not reach out and see if there is someone out there for me? The demon lowers his head in shame. DEMON A foolish thought. Who would have someone as malformed as I? A BELL RINGS, not a little tinkling bell, but a big deafening church bell. DOTTIE What the heck is that? DEMON I must leave. Time passes too swiftly in this realm. It is unfair. The demon turns away, reluctantly, and clops through into the living room. Dottie follows him. INT. DOTTIE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT They stand looking at the glowing pentagram. That BELL RINGS again. Summoning him back to Hell. DEMON Farewell, Lady Dottie. It was... It was nice meeting you. He goes to step onto the pentagram but Dottie grabs his arm and turns him back. DOTTIE Not so fast. She goes up onto her tip-toes and kisses him. His eyes widen in surprise. DOTTIE Malformed you are not. Next time, we'll try to figure out how to keep it open longer. If you want to, that is. The demon's glowing eyes gaze into Dottie's eyes. DEMON This would please me. He smiles and she smiles and suddenly he's gone, Dottie is alone. The pentagram begins to dim. Dottie rushes to grab the book. She crouches down beside the pentragram and flicks through the pages. She finds something -- she points to a group of symbols. DOTTIE Origin coordinates. She flicks again, page after page, finds something else, points to another group of symbols. DOTTIE Destination coordinates. She flicks through more pages, stops, goes back. She studies a third group of symbols and reads the book, finding a match. DOTTIE Temporal distortion! She sits down hard on her rump, just as the glow fades and all the candles go out. DOTTIE Time passes too swiftly in this realm? We'll soon see about that, boyo. And Dottie smiles hugely. FADE OUT:

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