Short from the Done Deal 2013 Christmas contest, an expanded version of the original 5-pager from the 2005 Christmas contest! "SNOW HARDER" OVER BLACK "Let It Snow" played by sleigh bells and cow bells. TITLE: SNOW HARDER FADE IN: EXT. NORTH POLE - DAY Snow, snow, snow. A team of reindeer with bells on their antlers pulls an enclosed cabin sled with oval windows along the side. At each window is the face of a jovial bearded ELF wearing bright clothes and hats with bells. One Elf, at the rearmost window, is smooth shaven, and more serious than the others. He hugs a huge teddy bear. INT. CABIN SLED - DAY A center aisle with double seats on either side, like an airplane. An ELF STEWARDESS serves drinks from a trolley. The clean-shaven Elf, JONTY, sits beside a bearded fat HAPPY ELF who won't shut up. HAPPY ELF --just fills me with joy! The thing I always ask is, why can't we do this every day? Why is it only one day each year? JONTY Maybe it wouldn't be special if we did it all the time. HAPPY ELF Well, there is that, friend, you may have a point there, indeed you may. So what about you, are you going to Santaville to meet someone? Or are you hoping to strike it lucky with some cute little Elf, eh? Jonty shifts in his seat and his jacket opens to reveal a TOY GUN at his waist. Happy Elf's eyes widen in fear. Jonty flashes a badge, a gold "Q" on a shield. JONTY Relax. I'm a toy quality inspector. This is just a sample I carry with me at all times. The Elf Stewardess offers them drinks. Jonty declines. Happy Elf takes both drinks and throws them back. HAPPY ELF Waste not, want not! That's what I always say! Is the teddy bear a sample too? JONTY It's a present for my wife. HAPPY ELF Well that surprises me, young feller. You don't look old enough, if I may say so, to be married, no you don't. Jonty stares out the window at the snow. EXT. CABIN SLED - DAY The Elves disembark from the cabin sled. Jonty squeezes out carrying his big teddy bear. ELF STEWARDESS Thank you for riding North Pole Sledways. EXT. SANTAVILLA PLAZA - DAY Hundreds of Elves going every which way. A BIG ELF shoulders Jonty aside. Jonty snarls into his face. Big Elf shrinks back in fear and runs off into the crowd. JONTY Son of an Elf... Passing Elves stop and stare in shock. Jonty lowers his head with embarrassment and moves through the crowd. Jonty sticks his fingers in his mouth and WHISTLES. A one- reindeer taxi sled pulls up, Jonty climbs in the back. INT. TAXI SLED - DAY JONTY Sure is crowded out there. ELF DRIVER Gets that way this time of year. JONTY Guess it does. I'm here to see my wife. Well, she's not really my wife any more. Guess we stopped playing that charade a while back. Her name's Holly. I came all the way from Elf City. Hoping she'd talk to me. ELF DRIVER Elf City, huh? JONTY She works at the Santa Tower. ELF DRIVER On my way, chief. EXT. SANTA TOWER - DAY A huge igloo dome, lights showing from hundreds of windows. Rising out of the igloo roof is a skyscraper that goes all the way up into the snow clouds. INT. RECEPTION - SANTA TOWER - DAY Jonty sits his teddy bear on the desk and grins at the cute RECEPTIONIST. JONTY Hi, I'm Jonty. I'm here to see Holly, she works in Gift Dispatch. Problem is, I don't know if she'll want to see me. We used to be married, once upon a time. Then she up and left me. Not for another Elf, if that's what you're thinking. The Receptionist picks up a toy doggy phone and dials. ELF RECEPTIONIST Holly, please. She has a visitor. INT. ELEVATOR - DAY Jonty watches the changing numbers. 27, 28, 29... He runs his finger inside his collar, wipes sweat from his brow, takes deep breaths. DING! 30th floor. INT. GIFT DISPATCH - 30TH FLOOR - DAY Dozens of Elves at desks talking into toy animal phones. ELF #1 Confirm sixty million teddy bears, assorted colors, must be ready by five o'clock tonight. ELF #2 Thirty million princess dolls with pink hair, forty with silver, fifty gold, must be dispatched by five o'clock tonight. ELF #3 We have a naughty child flag, she refuses to eat her greens. Give her a puppy but not the kind she asked for, must go by five o'clock tonight. Jonty glances at a wall clock, it's 15 minutes to 5 o'clock. BUDDY, a painfully jovial fast-talking Elf, grabs Jonty's hand and pumps it. BUDDY Put 'er there, pal! Name's Buddy, I work with Holly, she's some girl, color me surprised, I never knew she was married, and to an Elf from Elf City no less, wow! We're about to throw a little party and guess what, you're invited. JONTY I'm not very good at parties. BUDDY That's what Holly said! Just stick with me, pal, you'll be okay. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM PARTY - DAY Dozens of ELVES help themselves to drinks from a pink punch bowl. Jonty sees HOLLY across the room. Gorgeous, curly red hair, she laughs at a joke told by an OLDER ELF. She senses Jonty watching. Gives him a hesitant smile. Buddy slips a pink glass into Jonty's hand. JONTY No, I don't-- BUDDY Down the hatch, pal! Plenty more where that came from. Man, will you look at the skirt here? I gotta grab me some of that. Bottoms up! Buddy wanders to talk to a cute ELF GIRL. Jonty makes his way across the room. He abandons his drink on the table. He's face to face with Holly. Undeniable attraction. But there's a barrier between them. JONTY Hi. HOLLY Hi. I can't believe you came all this way just to say hello. JONTY I didn't. I mean, yes, I'd like to say hello. Hello. But that's not the only reason I came. HOLLY Oh? He gives her the big teddy bear. She's embarrassed. HOLLY It's... lovely. JONTY I've been thinking. About us. I've been doing that a lot lately. Behind Jonty, unnoticed by him, an ELF pushes a trolley laden with giant teddy bears identical to the one Jonty just gave to Holly. JONTY Fact is, I never realized how big our little one-room cabin apartment is. Until you walked out on me. HOLLY I didn't walk out on you, Jonty. I had a job offer. It meant a promotion, and doing something I really love. I asked you to come with me, remember? JONTY Sure I do. But I'm not a Santaville kind of guy. I'm from Elf City. You know what they say. You can take the Elf out of the City... HOLLY I'm not sure I know what that means. Well. Here we are. I hope we can at least be civil to each other. My boss is here, and my friends... JONTY I'd like us to be a lot more than just civil. HOLLY Are you saying you'd give up your job and join me here? JONTY I thought the "Elf out of the City" thing covered that. I can't just give up my job. HOLLY And I can't give up mine. JONTY Can't, or won't? HOLLY We've been through this before, Jonty. JONTY Yeah. Where's the can? HOLLY (indicates door) The rest room is through there. Jonty exits. INT. REST ROOM - DAY Jonty stares at his reflection, and shakes his head. JONTY You handled that real well, Jonty. INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY Everyone SCREAMS as a dozen more ELVES wearing ski masks enter, armed with toy guns. OLDER ELF Who in Santa's name are you Elves? The MASKED LEADER roughly pushes Older Elf into a chair. MASKED LEADER (German accent) I vill give ze orders and you will all obey. Anyone who fails to cooperate will be punished. FRIGHTENED ELF German Elves! Holly glances at the rest room door. Masked Leader notices. MASKED LEADER Someone check zat out. A MASKED ELF heads for the door. INT. REST ROOM - DAY The Masked Elf slowly pushes the door open and peeks inside. Sees no one. He checks the stalls. Empty. He's about to leave when he sees Jonty's gun and badge lying by the sink. INT. HOLLY'S OFFICE - DAY Her name on the door. Jonty checks the place out, is impressed. JONTY Doing well for yourself, baby... He picks up a framed photograph of Holly with Older Elf and grinning Buddy squeezing her, leering at the camera. JONTY Son of an Elf... SCREAMS attract his attention. He reaches for his gun, pats empty air, dammit he left it in the rest room! Masked Elf appears in the doorway, aims a toy gun. Jonty chucks the photograph, DUNK, Masked Elf is knocked out. Jonty picks up his gun. JONTY Dammit, we're already at Page 7, do I even have time for this? INT. CORRIDOR - DAY Jonty's in a firefight with German Elves. His rubber-tipped arrows PLOP against their foreheads with uncanny accuracy, bowling them over. INT. ELEVATOR - DAY DING, the doors open, German Elves emerge with guns ready, but PLOP PLOP PLOP they're dead meat. One Elf falls so his head lies in the way of the doors, which repeatedly try to close, open, close... CRUNCH. INT. GLASS-WINDOW OFFICE - DAY German Elves open fire, raining glass onto Jonty who huddles under a desk. JONTY Son of an Elf! INT. CORRIDOR - DAY Jonty, ripped bloody shirt, no shoes, wild hair, leans against the wall, panting for breath. An Elf turns the corner and Jonty's gun snaps up. SCARED ELF No, don't shoot, please, no! Jonty lowers his gun. JONTY It's okay, take it easy. SCARED ELF Zank Gott, I zought you vere one of zose terrible, terrible people. Jonty squints, suspicious. JONTY Interesting accent you got there. "Scared Elf" who is really the German Elf Leader draws his gun and blasts at Jonty, who runs for his life. Rubber sucker bullets PLOP onto the walls. Missed! GERMAN ELF LEADER (INTO WALKIE TALKIE) Cut him off! Ve haff him now! EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT Jonty fights with a HUGE BLOND-HAIRED ELF who knocks him all over the place, giving him a savage beating. JONTY SON OF AN ELF! INT. HOLLY'S OFFICE - NIGHT The window's been blasted out, Jonty and Holly lie on the floor, desperately holding onto the big teddy bear while German Elf Leader dangles in space, holding onto its ears. GERMAN ELF LEADER You can't let me go, ve are Elves! Elves are nice to each other! Most especially at Christmas time! Jonty and Holly glance at each other, and let go of the teddy bear. German Elf Leader plunges to his doom, an astonished expression on his face. He hugs the big teddy bear. HOLLY You let it go. JONTY I'm prepared to let a lot of things go, for you. They kiss. Snowflakes fall on them. EXT. SANTA TOWER - NIGHT Elf COPS watch as a wailing figure plunges down and SPLATS. BLACK ELF COP That's gotta hurt. All the other Elves slowly turn to stare at Black Elf Cop. BLACK ELF COP You never seen an ironic Elf before? FADE OUT