Short screenplay from the Done Deal "March Madness" contest, March 2007. "Fish Tails" FADE IN: INT. CORAL HOTEL ROOM - DAY Shaky flippers load a cracked-open revolver. Bullets tumble to the floor and roll under the bed. The owner of the shaky flippers, LOUIS, a goldfish, exhales bubbles and a worried groan. Louis squeezes right under the bed to get the bullets. His probing flipper almost touches them-- The door crashes open and two HIT FISH in black Tuxedos aim their automatics at an apparently empty room. Louis, under the bed, has a good view of their tails. Tall Hit Fish swims to the bathroom and looks inside. TALL HIT FISH Big Rocco said he'd be here. SHORT HIT FISH Maybe we should wait. TALL HIT FISH Nah. We gotta try and pick up his trail again. SHORT HIT FISH Let's introduce the girl to Freddy the Lobster. She'll sing like a whale when she sees his claws. TALL HIT FISH Sounds like a plan! They put their guns away and turn to leave. A CLICK makes them freeze. They slowly look back over their shoulders. Louis "kneels" on the floor, flippers resting on the bed, holding the big revolver. The barrel shakes. TALL HIT FISH Hey Louis. You hiding under the bed? SHORT HIT FISH So not cool. LOUIS I got nothing against you guys. I just want out. You put your hardware on the floor, you get to swim out of here alive. Tall Hit Fish looks under the bed and sees the scattered bullets. He grins. TALL HIT FISH You gotta get yourself an automatic. I got fifteen slugs in my magazine and one in the pipe. You got what, one, two at most? SHORT HIT FISH Maybe none. Both Hit Fish grab for their guns, trying to beat Louis. The old revolver THUNDERS twice, so fast the shots blend into reach other. Short and Tall are punched back against the door frame. Red bloodstains spread across their white shirts and cloud the water. They float belly up towards the ceiling, eyeballs white. INT. CORAL BAR - DAY MITZI sits alone at the bar, looking unsure of herself instead of being on the cover of a glossy goldfish magazine where she belongs. A SLICK BARRACUDA ambles over and flashes his pointed teeth. SLICK BARRACUDA Hey doll, are those scales of yours sprayed on, or what? MITZI Get lost, creep. SLICK BARRACUDA Twenty bucks, that's my top offer. Louis swims up behind the guy, whose eyes bulge because Louis's pressing something hard into his back, and it ain't a flipper. LOUIS The lady said get lost, creep. Slick Barracuda gets lost fast. MITZI Louis, I didn't think you was gonna come. LOUIS I got held up. Sorry, babe. MITZI Are we leaving now? I don't like this pond. LOUIS You and me both. C'mon, grab your purse. Louis and Mitzi swim for the exit. But before they get there BIG ROCCO enters, flanked by two GOONS. They're miniature sharks in... shark suits. Big Rocco's thirsty eyes drink in Mitzi's gleaming gold body. BIG ROCCO What's the hurry, Louis? You and the little lady late for an appointment? LOUIS Something like that. BIG ROCCO (to Goons) Go buy the lady a drink, boys. Be real nice to her. Me and Louis got some business to discuss. Louis lets the Goons escort Mitzi to the bar, she looks back, worried. Big Rocco and Louis swim over to an empty booth. LOUIS Leave her out of this, she doesn't know what I do. BIG ROCCO You don't do much of anything. I told you to wipe out Sammy the Squid. What happened? LOUIS He had his family with him... the missus and a bunch of little baby squids. I couldn't shoot him with his family watching. BIG ROCCO You idiot! They aren't his! Sammy the Squid's tentacles don't swing that way. He fooled you good. Big Rocco pulls out his gun. BIG ROCCO Looks like I'll have to do the job myself. Big Rocco touches the gun barrel to Louis's head. BIG ROCCO After we take care of you and the little lady, that is. Louis looks over at the bar -- just as one of the Goon Sharks swallows Mitzi whole! LOUIS Miiiiitttzzzzziiiiiiiii! SAMMY THE SQUID Hey, Rocco! Sammy the Squid comes swimming in like a one-man army, 8 tentacles, 8 blazing guns. He blasts Big Rocco and the two Goon Sharks. Big Rocco screams as he's totally shredded. Their riddled corpses float up to the ceiling. SAMMY THE SQUID And that's how we do it on the ocean floor. Hey Louis. I ever see you again, you're chowder. Capiche? Sammy the Squid exits like a missile, leaving a black ink cloud behind. Louis frantically swims to the Goon Shark who swallowed Mitzi. Louis sees a SWORDFISH cowering in a corner. He grabs the Swordfish and uses the guy's sword to cut open the dead Goon Shark. Mizti's curled up inside the Goon Shark's stomach, her eyes closed. Louis pulls her out and shakes her. LOUIS Mitzi! MITZI! Mitzi's eyes open. MITZI Oh Louis. They wrap their flippers around each other. LOUIS Come on, babe. Let's blow this joint. From now on it's just you and me. Together they swim out into clear blue sea, where they're eaten by a Giant White shark. FADE OUT§