Short screenplay from the Done Deal "March Madness" contest,
       March 2007.

       "Fish Tails"

               FADE IN:

               INT. CORAL HOTEL ROOM - DAY

               Shaky flippers load a cracked-open revolver.  Bullets tumble 
               to the floor and roll under the bed.

               The owner of the shaky flippers, LOUIS, a goldfish, exhales 
               bubbles and a worried groan.

               Louis squeezes right under the bed to get the bullets.  His 
               probing flipper almost touches them--

               The door crashes open and two HIT FISH in black Tuxedos aim 
               their automatics at an apparently empty room.

               Louis, under the bed, has a good view of their tails.

               Tall Hit Fish swims to the bathroom and looks inside.

                                     TALL HIT FISH
                         Big Rocco said he'd be here.

                                     SHORT HIT FISH
                         Maybe we should wait.

                                     TALL HIT FISH
                         Nah.  We gotta try and pick up his 
                         trail again.

                                     SHORT HIT FISH
                         Let's introduce the girl to Freddy 
                         the Lobster.  She'll sing like a 
                         whale when she sees his claws.

                                     TALL HIT FISH
                         Sounds like a plan!

               They put their guns away and turn to leave.  A CLICK makes 
               them freeze.  They slowly look back over their shoulders.

               Louis "kneels" on the floor, flippers resting on the bed, 
               holding the big revolver.  The barrel shakes.

                                     TALL HIT FISH
                         Hey Louis.  You hiding under the 

                                     SHORT HIT FISH
                         So not cool.

                         I got nothing against you guys.  I 
                         just want out.  You put your hardware 
                         on the floor, you get to swim out of 
                         here alive.

               Tall Hit Fish looks under the bed and sees the scattered 
               bullets.  He grins.

                                     TALL HIT FISH
                         You gotta get yourself an automatic.  
                         I got fifteen slugs in my magazine 
                         and one in the pipe.  You got what, 
                         one, two at most?

                                     SHORT HIT FISH
                         Maybe none.

               Both Hit Fish grab for their guns, trying to beat Louis.

               The old revolver THUNDERS twice, so fast the shots blend 
               into reach other.  Short and Tall are punched back against 
               the door frame.  Red bloodstains spread across their white 
               shirts and cloud the water.  They float belly up towards the 
               ceiling, eyeballs white.

               INT. CORAL BAR - DAY

               MITZI sits alone at the bar, looking unsure of herself instead 
               of being on the cover of a glossy goldfish magazine where 
               she belongs.

               A SLICK BARRACUDA ambles over and flashes his pointed teeth.

                                     SLICK BARRACUDA
                         Hey doll, are those scales of yours 
                         sprayed on, or what?

                         Get lost, creep.

                                     SLICK BARRACUDA
                         Twenty bucks, that's my top offer.

               Louis swims up behind the guy, whose eyes bulge because 
               Louis's pressing something hard into his back, and it ain't 
               a flipper.

                         The lady said get lost, creep.

               Slick Barracuda gets lost fast.

                         Louis, I didn't think you was gonna 

                         I got held up.  Sorry, babe.

                         Are we leaving now?  I don't like 
                         this pond.

                         You and me both.  C'mon, grab your 

               Louis and Mitzi swim for the exit.  But before they get there 
               BIG ROCCO enters, flanked by two GOONS.  They're miniature 
               sharks in... shark suits.

               Big Rocco's thirsty eyes drink in Mitzi's gleaming gold body.

                                     BIG ROCCO
                         What's the hurry, Louis?  You and 
                         the little lady late for an 

                         Something like that.

                                     BIG ROCCO
                              (to Goons)
                         Go buy the lady a drink, boys.  Be 
                         real nice to her.  Me and Louis got 
                         some business to discuss.

               Louis lets the Goons escort Mitzi to the bar, she looks back, 

               Big Rocco and Louis swim over to an empty booth.

                         Leave her out of this, she doesn't 
                         know what I do.

                                     BIG ROCCO
                         You don't do much of anything.  I 
                         told you to wipe out Sammy the Squid.  
                         What happened?

                         He had his family with him... the 
                         missus and a bunch of little baby 
                         squids.  I couldn't shoot him with 
                         his family watching.

                                     BIG ROCCO
                         You idiot!  They aren't his!  Sammy 
                         the Squid's tentacles don't swing 
                         that way.  He fooled you good.

               Big Rocco pulls out his gun.

                                     BIG ROCCO
                         Looks like I'll have to do the job 

               Big Rocco touches the gun barrel to Louis's head.

                                     BIG ROCCO
                         After we take care of you and the 
                         little lady, that is.

               Louis looks over at the bar -- just as one of the Goon Sharks 
               swallows Mitzi whole!


                                     SAMMY THE SQUID
                         Hey, Rocco!

               Sammy the Squid comes swimming in like a one-man army, 8 
               tentacles, 8 blazing guns.  He blasts Big Rocco and the two 
               Goon Sharks.  Big Rocco screams as he's totally shredded.  
               Their riddled corpses float up to the ceiling.

                                     SAMMY THE SQUID
                         And that's how we do it on the ocean 
                         floor.  Hey Louis.  I ever see you 
                         again, you're chowder.  Capiche?

               Sammy the Squid exits like a missile, leaving a black ink 
               cloud behind.

               Louis frantically swims to the Goon Shark who swallowed Mitzi.  
               Louis sees a SWORDFISH cowering in a corner.  He grabs the 
               Swordfish and uses the guy's sword to cut open the dead Goon 

               Mizti's curled up inside the Goon Shark's stomach, her eyes 
               closed.  Louis pulls her out and shakes her.

                         Mitzi!  MITZI!

               Mitzi's eyes open.

                         Oh Louis.

               They wrap their flippers around each other.

                         Come on, babe.  Let's blow this joint.  
                         From now on it's just you and me.

               Together they swim out into clear blue sea, where they're 
               eaten by a Giant White shark.

               FADE OUT


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