APRIL BOC FINALE April 2006 Best Openings Contest
The challenge this month was to write a killer opening sentence. Just one sentence.
First, a recap of the entries:
1) Manifest Destiny
Alien invasions are just so passé.
2) Smoke Me A Kipper
The mission seemed simple enough: in and out, stealth mode, low-tech defense grid.
3) Untitled
Mirov had always though that Dennig had been a man of great taste, but how much so was never more apparent than when Mirov had taken his first bite of tender calf.
AND THE RESULTS:
1st 2nd 3rd Voted Total David Gillon - Manifest Destiny 6 V 9 Derek Paterson - Smoke Me A Kipper 6 V 9 Jack Serin - Untitled 3 V 6 Jon Woolf (voted only) V 3 Bill Allen (voted only) V 3 Sophia Ahmed (voted only) V 3COMMENTS:
1) Manifest Destiny - I didn't vote for this because it suggested a POV personality that I didn't find appealing, and because it didn't contain enough tension to hook me. - SA
2) Smoke Me A Kipper - The "seemed" is the word that promises tension here. The sentence suggests a military story, but the title makes me think it will be SF. It is the title that I am voting for, really. If 'Ace' Rimmer is the protagonist, I'd definitely read the whole thing! - SA
3) Untitled - It was only after a couple of reads that I saw that this could be read as cannibalism. Initially, I read it as Mirov having been invited to dine, and it isn't intrinsically interesting. There isn't any tension. With the cannibalism option, the sentence is more noticeable, but no more tense than before. - SA
I guess my vote has to go to 1) Manifest Destiny. It required less brain power to read. - DP
My vote goes to 3) untitled, for managing to make me go 'eeeuw!' without descending into the language of gross-out (though that may come). My own entry, 1) is so short as to say very little, but I suspect what little it says hints at an inner sarcasm (It wasn't the entry I set out to write, but I tried to insert it as a phrase and when it didn't fit just threw away everything else instead). The third entry 2), suggests a plot-driven story, though the title is a 'Red Dwarf' reference, so humour should be expected. The three sentences suggest three very different storytelling styles. 'Manifest Destiny' could go anywhere, but the author may not take the expected view of things, 'Smoke Me a Kipper 'is likely to be fast-paced and plot-driven, likely with a touch of humour, while 'Untitled' shows more focus on the language of storytelling, so is likely to be slower-paced with more emphasis on character and background. - David
First Place: 2) Smoke Me A Kipper. All three entries, by tone or title, suggest comedy in store--not one of my top preferences--but number 2 sentence also predicts a space opera milieu, so I'm going with that one. - Bill
After some reflection, I'm going to pick "Manifest Destiny." The shortness of the opening sentence seems to suggest a more interesting story to follow. I really don't think you can tell much about a story just from the opening sentence, though. It sometimes tells me whether the author has their act together, because a good author usually writes relatively simple, direct opening sentences without lots of complex clauses. But that's about all. -- JSW
QUARTERLY RESULTSFeb Mar Apr Total David Gillon 10 7 9 26 Jack Serin 12 4 6 22 Derek Paterson 8 4 9 21 Kendra Black 6 8 x 14 Susan Wing 18 x x 18 Sophia Ahmed 3 3 3 9 Bill Allan 3 x 3 6 Ashley Burns 5 x x 5 Terri Hamilton 3 x x 3 Jon Woolf x x 3 3Congrats David! May your reign be full of brimstone and terror! ;)
All story excerpts herein are Copyright © 2006 by the Authors, who retain all rights. The excerpts are uploaded for purposes of critique only, which does not constitute publication.
